you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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