You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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