i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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