I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
