Your tits are I can't wait for
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
