I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
