Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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