At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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