I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
