Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
