She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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