New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
