We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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