Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize