video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize