i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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