my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
