I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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