The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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