I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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