he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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