i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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