he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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