Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
