Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
