I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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