walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
