So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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