I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
