sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
