Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
