p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
