I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
