A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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