you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize