She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
