i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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