hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
