its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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