tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
