i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
