yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
