Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
