my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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