Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
