Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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