i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
