Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
