sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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