Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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