Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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