If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
