Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
