I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
