M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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