im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize