Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
