sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
