We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
