she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
