I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
