I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
