Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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